Yes, this little dialogue was actually inspired by a real conversation. What can I say? I'm a little warped... and so are some of the people I associate with.
Enjoy!
"Sometimes I think I’m destined to be alone."
"You’re such a drama queen."
"I’m serious. I mean c’mon… can’t you see it? Me in twenty years: sitting in my study, grizzled by years of solitude, alone and drunk, wallowing in self-pity. I take out a shotgun—one that I bought to impress friends and feel like a big man—and splatter my brains all over the wall. Like Hunter S. Thompson, but less cool and less accomplished. Tell me that doesn’t sound plausible."
"I hate it when you say shit like that."
"Would you clean up my brain fragments? True love would be cleaning up my brain fragments."
"I would be cursing you the whole time I was cleaning them."
"I don’t think you have the stomach to clean up my brain fragments."
"Are you kidding me? I totally do."
"What if I said you had to clean them up with your tongue?"
"Mmmmm… I know what a creative guy you are. I was always a little jealous of your ideas and creativity. Maybe eating your brains would give me that power. Ya know... like on Heroes."
"Oh get the fuck out of here! There’s no way you’d be able to eat my brains!"
"That’s your problem: you never have any faith in me… and my ability to eat your brains."
"Oh those bloody, slimy little morsels would touch your lips and you’d start gagging and probably throw up all over the place."
"No way!"
"Then you just have my brains marinating in your puke. Combine that with all the blood and that’s one hell of a mess. The cops would love to know where the puke came from. What are you gonna tell ‘em? Huh?"
"There wouldn’t be any puke. I could totally handle eating your brains."
"I mean maybe if you cooked them—threw ‘em in a frying pan with some seasoning or something. But no way you’re eating them raw."
"Well I think they’d hafta be raw to really get any kind of nutrients or power from them. Plus they would probably get rubbery if they’ve been sitting too long. I would just tell myself I was eating calamari. That was always a popular appetizer for us."
"I think you’re science is totally flawed. The only thing you’d get from eating my brains would be a stomachache… or maybe sepsis."
"I wouldn’t get sick if they were still fresh."
"Well I don’t know how fresh they’d be by the time you actually heard I blew my brains out. Who knows… some other exes might beat you to the punch. Maybe all the organs worth eating are devoured by the time you get there."
"I don’t think your other exes would have the stomach… or the desire."
"I don’t know. I could see Kelly going to town on my heart. There’s a certain poetic justice to it."
"Are you serious? She would just dab a little blood on her lips to make it look like she did then go around bragging to people that she ate the shit out of it. She couldn’t actually go through with it. I’m really your only option."
"You’re probably right."
"You know I am."
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