Bathtub Dream

A dream I had...

There’s a bathtub where my bed should be. And part of me wants you to stay away, despite the obvious and perfect associations. The steaming water makes the winter outside seem like another planet, but we know what it feels like to be aliens. So you close the door behind you and move through the room’s fog like a lost hallucination that’s finally found its way. We’re together even though we’re not, or at least that’s how it feels. We settle into saturation like it’s a home we’ve been separated from for so long; like the past six years were just dreams of a confused reality playing out in our unsuspecting minds. This strange version of familiarity is incorruptible because the destruction is a context we’ve left in photo albums. We’re light-years beyond the breakdowns where blame tastes like cocktails of soapy water and dead skin. But interruption is just downstairs, pleading for company and attention like some overlooked middle child. And even though our bodies have acclimated themselves to the water’s temperature and your absence will ruin the chemistry, you feel some obligation to the situation below. I practically beg you to stay, tugging at your flawlessly smooth skin; skin that refuses to shrivel and wrinkle despite our conditions. But your perplexing sense of responsibility for some invisible urgency pulls you away and I wonder what it is about me that always compels you to leave. As you stand and shiver, water dripping from your body, I sink beneath the surface because I’ve tried it all; because I don’t want you to mistake the bath water for tears… or visa versa. And even in this world I’m thinking about sleeping pills. Even in this world I remember how you helped me through the frozen seasons. So I wake in cold, tepid water, convulsing like a newborn just extracted from the womb. I’ve seen these shades of a life before and they always appear as an ugly misrepresentation of yesterday. But truth and accuracy are regret and misery, so I’ll let my little remaining body heat lend itself to the water, just in case you feel like coming back.

More Opinions You Didn't Realize Were So Important!

My rather discerning taste has been challenged a few times in the past week or so. Here's what I've got to say:

Watchmen

The film adaptation of Watchmen really presents an interesting and almost certainly unintended question: Does every brilliant piece of popular culture really need to break from the confines of its original medium to be exposed to a larger audience? And this question is probably most applicable with regards to books becoming movies—even more so with regards to Watchmen, a graphic novel that has been famously proclaimed as “unadaptable.” 

But before truly paying this question the attention it deserves, it seems worthwhile to talk about the film version of Watchmen. I’ll be honest, even before reading the HIGHLY acclaimed graphic novel (written by Alan Moore and illustrated by Dave Gibbons), I thought the film looked fucking sweet just based on the trailers. The geek in me is generally intrigued by super-hero/comic book movies and to have one that was rated R helmed by a reasonably competent director (Zack Snyder) with a true knack for the visual side of movies… well that really just seemed like a pretty solid combination. Not to mention, with The Dark Knight truly illustrating how effective a movie based on a comic could be, my attitude towards Watchmen the film was pretty optimistic. 

With such a defining graphic novel moving to the screen, it’s impossible to ignore the obsessed fanboys and their irritatingly nerdy preconceptions about a film they have yet to see. But there was no shortage of internet chatter about how shitty this movie was going to be. On the other hand, there were quite a few voices that rang with hopefulness. As someone who had read the book only after hearing about the film, I wasn’t quite sure what to think. Although I certainly wouldn’t lump myself in with the mouth-breathers critiquing the accuracy of the colors of the costumes, I was pretty blown away by the novel and kept my fingers crossed going into the film. 

I suppose as an acclaimed and pioneering book becomes a film, one would hope for a memorable cinematic experience; if it isn’t mindblowingly awesome, then it should, at the very least, fail in an epic manner so one can fully remember the excruciating abortion of a film that proved many of the obnoxious, pathetic geeks right. Watchmen, however, was neither. It was, in a word, unremarkable. It really wasn’t bad, but frankly, it wasn’t that good either. To me it seemed overly cautious. I could really picture writer Alex Tse and director Zack Snyder sitting down before production began and saying, “Well, we’ve got quite a task in front of us. If we fail miserably, we may just be pariahs in this industry. The only assured way we can definitively avoid embarrassing ourselves is by sticking close to the story and avoiding any real risks with the script. We shouldn’t go for broke with this one; we should go for adequate.” And that is pretty much what they did.

The movie does follow the book very closely; in a sense, a little too closely. Such close adherence in terms of images, story and even dialogue really shows a lack of original vision by the director. Also, the noir-type dialogue works well in the context of speech bubbles and illustrated characters on the page of a comic book, but when transferred to the big screen it really appears as lazy, cliché writing. And a fair amount of the dialogue was lifted word-for-word from the book’s speech bubbles. Additionally, Watchmen the book acted almost as a timepiece. Although that timepiece—a depiction of an alternate 1985 where costumed adventurers are commonplace and the world stands on the brink of nuclear war—is quite different from the true 1985 many Americans (and New Yorkers specifically) actually lived through, it still held a sense of raw grit and feasible reality. The film seemed to lose this sense as a timepiece and one could almost get the feeling that they were looking at a futuristic sci-fi story as opposed to an alternate, but entirely plausible, vision of the past. 

The pacing of the film also seemed uneven to me. But this, I must confess, could be very different for someone who hasn’t read the book. Certain seemingly unimportant elements of the book were left out for the sake of a more appealing run time, but many of these elements really leant to the pacing and development of the book’s plot. The film’s climax seemed to come abruptly and with a certain sense of rushed dissatisfaction. Not to mention the end of the book was changed for the screen with a significantly less effective twist. Don’t worry though, no spoilers here. 

This isn’t to say the film didn’t lack positive aspects. The action sequences were very well done and the film was generally well shot. The casting was, for the most part, pretty appropriate, with Jackie Earle Haley doing a particularly exceptional job with Rorschach. And Malin Akerman is hot. Like really hot. Like breathtakingly hot. And it was helpful that she played her character competently and with confidence (and in a very tight outfit). For the most part, the film was a success visually, with a few of the important images looking a little too cartoony for the rather bleak and harsh tone of the movie. And for the sheer sake of entertainment, the movie was also a general success. However, I think taking the film on entertainment value alone is something that would be much easier to do for a person who has not read the book. 

So… was it worth the time and effort to make such a remarkable novel into an unremarkable film? Well, the book can undoubtedly stand on its own legs, even 20 years after being written. And despite the rather mixed reviews from fans and critics alike regarding the film, the original masterpiece maintains its prowess; it has not been adversely affected by what some may view as a somewhat lackluster adaptation. 

So where’s the harm in trying? If every screen writer, director, producer and film company decided to stay away from masterful pieces of literary fiction out of fear of an uninspired adaptation, where would we be? You’re going to have successes and you’re going to have failures. As Americans, we’re a creatively ambitious culture. Although I do think the Watchmen film fell short of its mark, I give Snyder and his cohorts credit for their ambition and confidence. It takes balls to look at a novel like Watchmen—with its looming reputation and acclaim—and say, “I can turn this into a good fucking movie.” Earlier I remarked about the lack of risks I felt were taken with regards to the script and direction, which I feel lends itself to a lack of originality in terms of cinematic vision, but I do concede that simply agreeing to take on a project like Watchmen was a risk itself. I don’t think filmmakers should be intimidated by especially exceptional works of literature because I do feel that, at the very least, a film adaptation can renew interest in an original work for a generation that had not been exposed to it. In truth, there’s a good chance I may not have read the novel Watchmen if not for the movie. And I have a great appreciation for being part of the rejuvenated enthusiasm for such an impressive and groundbreaking vision put forth 20 years ago by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons; a vision that still seems extremely poignant and pertinent today.      

 

 

Other stuff…

 

Music to check out:

No Knife: Fire in the City of Automatons – So I guess these guys were around for a while, but I never heard of them until a few weeks ago. This album came out in 1999 and the band broke up in 2003. Apparently they played some dates as west coast openers on the recent Jimmy Eat World “Clarity x 10” tour as a sort of reunion type deal. Anyway, this album is real good. It reminds me a little of early to mid-career Sunny Day Real Estate, but a little livelier and more dynamic. For 1999, this type of rock/indie/post-punk stuff is totally ahead of its time. And these guys are talented musicians, but in a very subtle sense. I feel like you need to be pretty musically savvy to fully appreciate the musicianship, but that doesn’t make it any less enjoyable to listen to as a general music enthusiast. It’s not over-the-top technical, so the record has a great flow to it. I think this album (much like anything before their most recent record “Riot for Romance”) is pretty tough to find, so if you want to check it out, just get in touch with me.

 

Movie to avoid like the fucking plague:

Punisher: War Zone – Oh. My. God. I don’t know if writing about this film can really get the point across of just how laughably awful it is, but I guess it’s worth a shot. I pretty much rented this gem because I heard it was obscenely violent and I figured it would look cool on blu-ray. And it did… but then again, pretty much everything does. But wow, even the body count couldn’t save this flick. At points during the movie, I was actually considering whether director Lexi Alexander was trying to make an action spoof—some tongue-in-cheek gimmick to satirize earlier comic book action movies—but in truth, I’m pretty sure they were actually aiming for a legitimate action movie to be taken seriously. Well they failed. Miserably. This is probably the worst mainstream movie I’ve seen in the past year or so. I’m pretty sure a four-year-old monkey with Down Syndrome (can monkeys get Down Syndrome?) could have written a more competent script. And the performances were all so remarkably poor, it’s like the actors were deliberately playing parodies of their own respective characters. I do think it’s cool that a female directed such an excessively violent movie, but I don’t think it’s cool that the flick wasted 90+ minutes of my life—90+ minutes I could have spent doing something more enjoyable and productive… like beating myself to death with a hammer.

 

Reading material that should be acknowledged:

Graphic Novel: Preacher – Well it seems like I’ve inadvertently offered a lot of attention to comic-related entertainment here, so I guess I’ll continue with that trend with at least one more recommendation. Preacher is a graphic novel that was recommended to me by a coworker who’s a bit more knowledgeable in terms of comics and graphic novels. He knows my affinity for the violent, deranged and unconventional, so he pointed me in the direction of Preacher. Written by Garth Ennis with art by Steve Dillon and Glenn Fabry, the whole series is a collection of nine volumes, each volume somewhere around the 200-page mark, so it will certainly take some time and persistence to get through. But this is good stuff. I’m just finishing up volume two, but I strongly recommend checking out this strange graphic novel. It is extremely violent, deranged, crude, blasphemous and largely brilliant. Check it out here: Preacher. You can download a preview or even issue #1 in its entirety. If you are overly sensitive to gore, obscenities or religious subject matter, you might want to steer clear of this. But ya know… if you’re not a total pussy, you should probably check it out. 

 

Song of the week: “The Archers Bows Have Broken” by Brand New from “The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me.” Really just an awesome track. It’s certainly nothing new, but this is a terrific song that I sort of rediscovered this week. The entire album is truly one of my favorites, but this song is definitely a standout track. If you don't know it, you should.

A Week's Worth of Opinions You Didn't Know You Wanted

So I’ve decided to do some legitimate “bloggish” type stuff on here. Yes, I’m still writing creatively, but a lot of the projects I’m working on are a bit more ambitious and will take some time to finish. So, rather than having long lulls in between postings, I’m going to try and do some weekly (maybe bi-weekly???) updates that will keep you guys informed about some of the cool shit (and not-so-cool shit) I’ve come across over the course of the week. I watch a lot of movies, listen to a lot of music and read a lot of books. Some of said media is fantastic and some is atrocious, so I figure I’ll share my findings with you kids.

 

After all, I have impeccable taste, so you should pretty much worship my opinions.

 

I’ve included links where I feel it’s worthwhile or appropriate.

 

Recent music that has been successfully rocking my face:

Band: Autolux; Album: Future Perfect - Picture Silversun Pickups minus some of the pop sensibilities. It’s weird, dirty, dissonant and effects-laden. It’s also pretty fucking atmospheric with stellar production. A lot of people who know me probably wouldn’t expect me to like this band, but I do… so you probably should too. (link to myspace page)

 

Band: Year of the Rabbit; Album: Self-Titled – So this is the only album released by these guys and it came out in 2003 (I believe). The group features Ken Andrews who was in a band called Failure. He does solo stuff too, which is also kind of cool. Year of the Rabbit is pretty much just awesome, straight-up rock, which you don’t find too often post-2000. This album has incredible production and a fair amount of hooks, which kind of makes me surprised I didn’t know about it until recently. It’s also kind of surprising this is the only album these dudes put out. (link to myspace page)

 

Song of the week: “Angeles” by Elliot Smith. Honestly, this could be the song of the month or year or whatever. Just a fantastic track. I could seriously listen to it over and over.

 

Music that sucks and should be illegal to make:

Band: The White Stripes; Stuff That Sucks: Every fucking thing ever done by these no-talent assholes!

So there’s nothing new about the White Stripes; they’ve been around for quite some time and have always sucked. They’ve come to the forefront of my brain recently though because I saw them on Conan O’Brien’s final episode. I love Conan and this was a piece of television history that would have been just about perfect if not for the abysmal performance of The White Stripes. I think Conan has an erection for these idiots, which is kind of depressing, but I can’t stress enough how awful this band is (and I use the term “band” very loosely). Usually if you sing like a douche bag and your only accompaniment can’t play instruments well, you don’t turn into an indescribably popular rock sensation… unless you’re Jack fucking White. I mean seriously, who the fuck did this clown blow to get the fame and critical recognition that he’s gained?? And Meg White… YOU SUCK AT EVERYTHING YOU DO!! AND YOU’RE FUCKING UGLY!! Seriously, these two need to kill themselves. There’s nothing “ironic” about their music, unless you consider it ironic that they suck so shamelessly and everyone loves them. Come to think of it, I guess that is kind of ironic.

 

Recent movies that have impressed me:

Quarantine: Yeah, I know this was an American remake of some foreign horror movie (“REC”) and all you film snobs will undoubtedly call me pedestrian for not watching the original… but fuck you; sometimes I just don’t want to read subtitles. I didn’t have high expectations for this movie—frankly the whole handheld camera deal (Blair Witch Project, Cloverfield, Diary of the Dead) seems like it’s been kind of overused as of late, but this one was done quite well. The performances were also solid, which lends a lot to the empathy you need to feel for the characters to make a film like this effective. Plus, it didn’t resort to CG for the gore and violence, which always wins points with me. I’ll be honest, I’m completely desensitized and horror movies will almost never scare me in the conventional sense, but I think people would find this one pretty creepy. It didn’t try to do too much and it did a good job utilizing its claustrophobic setting. (link to imdb page)

 

Eden Lake: This is the most impressed I’ve been by a horror movie in a long time. I think plausibility really aids in the effectiveness of horror, and this film was disturbingly plausible. It also did something that a lot of horror movies used to do, but seems to have fallen by the wayside in recent times: offer some statement or social commentary. This one offers a pretty bleak perspective on the degenerating condition of adolescent behavior and their parents’ involvement in their lives. Warning: this one is not for the squeamish. As I said, I’m pretty desensitized, but this film made me pretty uncomfortable at times. It’s quite brutal, but that brutality is purposeful and efficient in terms of conveying the movie’s “message.” (link to imdb page)

 

Recent movies that have royally sucked:

Midnight Meat Train: I had pretty high hopes for this one, but was hugely disappointed. It’s based on a short Clive Barker story (awesome) and I had read that it was immensely gory and violent (also awesome). Plus, it got like a 69% consensus on rottentomatoes.com, which implies no Oscar-contention, but let’s face it, critics generally pan horror movies and for one to receive a 69% rating on rottentomatoes is pretty impressive. The movie, however, was not. In the midst of gaping plot holes and poor performances, the film tried to offer some ludicrous and completely undeveloped explanation for all the heinous acts that had been occurring through the course of the film. And those heinous acts weren’t even that interesting. Plus, CG was used for the vast majority of the gory effects and it wasn’t even done competently! Just an all-around disappointment with few (if any) redeeming qualities. Do not jump on board this one! (See what I did there?)

Book Recommendation: The Raw Shark Texts by Steven Hall

Within the first few pages I was blown away by Hall's ability as a writer. This novel offers some concepts that are pretty out there and the ending seemed a little weak to me, but it's definitely worth checking out. It's original, inventive and incredibly well written. It's also his first novel so I kind of expect pretty great things from this dude. (link to amazon page)

 

So that’s it for now. I hope this has been helpful or interesting to some of you. Check back soon for more updates.